AND it’s a gut-wrenching time of trusting.
let’s face it, I am a planner. I like to plan. I like having a plan. oh, and I love to organize and be organized. even if my plans don’t go as planned, I simply like having a plan. just ask my friends and they will tell you plans are a part of my life. I always have a plan A, plan B, plan C, and maybe even plan D running and spinning through my head at 100 mph – it’s normal, really. I write out TO-DO list daily with what I need to do down to the hour.
6:15-7:15: get up, get ready (clothes were picked out the night before)
7:15-7:30: fix and eat breakfast
7:30-8:00: drive and get to class
12:00-12:30: eat lunch (The Caf)
12:30-2:30: write article review
5:45-6:15: drive home, fix and eat dinner (chicken, broccoli)
6:15-7:30: read chapter 12
you get the point. this is my life day by day. I thrive on a routine and having a plan. believe it or not, I love it! some of you can relate, while others of you think I have absolutely lost my mind (& maybe I have – HA)!
I have finally reached my senior year of my undergrad (PRAISE THE LORD)!! oh, and yes, it is my fifth year, but I am so embracing this fifth and final year thing. for the last four years, I have known what was coming. I knew what was next. maybe not to the full extent, but I knew come August, I would be back enrolled into school for the next year. August to May, year after year. and of course, summer plans have changed year to year – mission trips, babysitting, side jobs, staying in my college town, traveling, and so on.
BUT I was never anxious or overwhelmed or consumed with thoughts of, “what’s next” because ultimately, I knew – school and the year after, school.
I say all of that to bring me to my point. this fifth and final year is here. it’s happening and moving so quickly. I am already a month in. I have relatively seven months left until the next chapter of my life. SEVEN. y’all, seven months is a snap of the fingers. it’s coming and approaching so quickly. AND I am not ready.
I feel like I have been spun around five times while being blindfolded and placed on a teeter-totter – not knowing which way to go. two ways will have me falling overboard, while the other two will have me getting way off balanced and heading drastically, full force into an unknown place. I am in the middle of that teeter-totter. I have to stand still, not moving in any of the four directions and simply wait.
oh, what a hard thing to do. it’s a beautiful time of waiting, but it’s a gut-wrenching time of trusting. I have to put my full faith in Jesus. (side note: as christians, we are great at trusting Him with some aspects, but we love to hang onto some as well. we have to let go. hand it over. set ourselves free of whatever we are clinging to. have we forgotten that He truly is a good, good Father and has the very best intentions and plans for His children?) I have to trust Him with every ounce of me. He is the one guiding me. even though I feel so lost and without a plan, I have to remove this blindfold and turn my FULL focus on Jesus. I have to believe that His plans are far bigger and better, far grander and filled with wonder, and more than I could ever in a million years do on my own even with all of my hour by hour, day by day plans.
Your word is a lamp for my feet, and a light for my path. – Psalm 119:105
I believe wholeheartedly God is calling each of us in this season to find a deeper, stronger faith in Him. to learn what it means to have faith when you cannot see the next steps, when you don’t know what tomorrow will look like, and when you have no job applications pending. to know He will provide. He will guide. He will light the way, one step at a time. Psalms 119:105 says a lamp for my feet, not a spotlight. He is lighting up the path one step at a time. I often think if I could see much further than the one step, I may run the opposite way!
y’all, Jesus will never leave us to find the path on our own. He is holding our hands each and every step of the way. AND eventually, all those one little steps lead to His one big, purposeful plan.
let’s be real, I have a plan come May, but it’s MY plan – not Jesus’ (Proverbs 19:21). who knows, it could actually be His plan, or some of my plan could be part of His plan. right now I am called to wait. simply wait on Him to reveal His plan. His will. His purpose. I would love nothing more than Him to reveal that plan right now in this instance, but if that were the case, I would miss the lesson and the growth behind the waiting. so here’s to the next stage, whatever that may be and in whatever time He shall choose to reveal His perfect, perfect plan.
originally posted on The Odyssey Online: September 13, 2016 by Allee Worley